Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
