You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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