your parents love me but you hate me
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
