so that wasnt chicken after all
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
