morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
