I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
