Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
