I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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