Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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