im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
