Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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