Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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