If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
