I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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