Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
pray to the hookup gods
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
