last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
