I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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