I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
