Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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