She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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