Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
