My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
handjob tips. give me some.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
