her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
