now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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