I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
