I cockslap morals
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
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