So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
