what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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