I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
