Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
