i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
