omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
