***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Can Purell be used as lube?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
