you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
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