Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
even my farts smell like vagina
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
