For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
