This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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