she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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