i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
