So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize
