we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
