Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
