i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
