i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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