I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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