Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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