my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
