then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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