he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
It's shark week go big or go home
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
