based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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