i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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