i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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