I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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