I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
