they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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