also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
time to smoke my breakfast
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
