He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
