is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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