this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She bit a glass in half.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
